Sunday, February 7, 2010

appearance @ family @ fake @ laugh @ disgusting smile

Is the physical appearance very important? How important is it? Will anyone die because of it?

I don't really know why so many people so care about their physical appearance, about their look and their body figures. Honestly , i was one of them. I don't know why i want to slim down. I just want to slim down. I actually not sure whether i will have better look after losing weight. Maybe, i more suitable to this weight. Maybe, i will become very weak and look like a patient more than a doctor after i manage to cut down my weight.

Girls used to take slimming down as their entire life mission while guys used to go to gym to buid up their scary muscle. Yup, muscle is quite scary sometimes...haha. I will prefer those have just a bit muscle and bit fats. i cant stand the muscular man. I scare they will punch me, for no reasons. i scare they will slap me....dont know why i will have such weird thoughts.

Girl like slim. this is a fact in this century. Please dont ask me why, now i quite blur about this. Sometimes, i saw some chubby girls, i found that they have  quite good looking. I will prefer them to maintan they body shape as that are cute ^^ But, i dont know why i just want to slim down, no matter how. Im strange... Actually many people say im not that fat till i need to slim down so eagerly, but i just feel myself very fat. When you having bath, then you will know how much fat you have on your body. when you grabbing those fat, a hatred feel will come. i wish i can cut them off. hahaha.....

Honestly i dont really like my figures. i prefer those skinny girl although i might be called airport.lolz . Why i have such a strange thought? fat or slim was not that important. ugly or pretty was not a problem. tall or short is not a barrier. why people used to take it so serious? the most important thing is your heart. the inner beauty is the most important part of a human being. I wish i could be a better person. i hope i can be more generous but i really love my money.

Im not coming from a rich family, i just a bit better than a poor family i guess. But i love my family. not matter what i just wan to save money so that my family would live a better life. This thought always make my dad scold me.He unwilling to see me skip my meals just to save money. But he wont know the real reason, it was just sometime i forget to eat. and also i remember but i just too lazy to eat.These action worsen my gastric...haha. i know sometime im stubbon...im sory dad. i will try to change myself if possible.

I actualy dont want you guys wory about me. I am much more different from sister. Whenever she have problems, she will tell you. this make her seems like very troublesome and immature. I dont want you guys have this feeling towards me. I just want to maintain a good image. Whenever i have problems, I will keep inside my heart. I know im noob but i had no choice... I really dont want you think you have a weird daughter. I want you be proud of me, and this make me to study hard. i know im very lazy and sometimes you quite dissapointed.

Luckily, everytime, i will get a good result. I strongly understand that was just because im good in luck. It was not everytime also can be like that. I will try to change, dad. i will try to study harder, just to make you proud ^^ I dont wish you see the bad side of me. I know we are a family but i just too love you all. i really hope that you think that im a great child. Everytime i have problem , i will not phone you. During secondary school, when i have stress, i also cry alone in the locked room corner. I just want to carry all these stuff myself.^^ i guess i create a great image. you all think that im an optimistic girl and believe im very strong in the sense of mind.

i quite scare one day you will found out im not that happy and that is why i try to laugh always ^^ there is one phrase i love very much. Smile, smile and smile, nothing is so great~ and Smile,much more bitter tears, you can also hold in your mouth,and then slowly swallow down. I love to laugh as when i smile, you might know im fake, but when i laugh, you wouldnt know ....the louder i laugh, more real it is...

I wish my laugter can 'ganran' (influence) other, make other happy. the one need to fake and be sad just one enough^^ I quite happy when my plkn friend chat with me when she sad and told me that she miss my laugh. I wish i can bring happiness to others. And i believe i did it. Besides, when you laugh, you can actually ignore the pain you are having. you cant forget but you can ignore, No worry, im no longer the childish girl, i wont think about killing myself or even others. This thoughts are too immature, maybe at that time i was childish. If i died, who can bring happiness to other? the people arund me might miss my laughter....and for sure miss me also la.....hahah///lol

but, i think i will try to change myself dad. someone there know i was faking. it was quite embarrassing when he poke my secret out. whatever~ he also faking what, same 'species'..lol. At that time i dont care about him and his word and advices. But now, i guess is time for me to accept his advices. Okay sir, i will try to control.... but you also arh...some day some where saw you walking, please dont let me see your very fake smile....is disgusting lar...and ewwww

PS: I actually dont know waht im writting up there.....just write and write and write....totally ignore the title...crazy nie....run away from topic ad... but i guess this is the best part about blogging, can write whatever you want...no need to have resposible on it.... >,<

OS: dad and mum, i doesnt mean to fake in front of you , just i dont wan to make you worry abut me ^^ im really very very very sorry but do i have a choice?  shawty shawty shawty

2 comments:

  1. i have to agree that it is disheartening to see people being so obsessed with their physical appearance. i personally believe that mentality and emotional stability should be set as our priority. (but sometimes, i do fret over my weight :P)

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  2. welcome jef~ yo~!
    same case here~ quite lot ppl say im vr fat,it so embarrassing! at first i thought my weight is ok de... but now i had to cut down my weight ad...haha
    we plan properly la~ one day go gym one day go swim, one day go dance..haha and avoid fatty food ^^ healthy...lol

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