Friday, February 12, 2010

if im stronger.......

Today, I shouldn't attend the class~ honestly, i dont want to admit that i fall sick. I always believe that my body get better and better, but obviously this is not the real case. My body still weak as those days. Can i say that my body get weaker?

I used to worried about my health problems. When i still in secondary school, i scared i will become blind as my eyes' degree had increased a lot. Later, because some reasons, i doubted that i got  diabetes. This actually trouble me for quite a long time as i darent tell anyone. I scared it is the truth. Finally, i told some people and found that i just scared myself only. The main thing that trauma me now is breast cancer, i had to admit that i love to think a lot thing that shouldnt. haha~ Ignore that.....

My health condition now was not a good sign. I wonder my immune system get weaker is it because of my hormone balance? I quite worry that one day i will die because of loss too much of blood..haha...ignore it.... Why i cant have a healthy life? i just want to be healthy~ why i always so weak! why my body so weak!!!

Today, i took ktm back to seremban. The train was packed with homo sapien...due to the chinese new year. i was one of the sardine in the tin...so packed, so suffer, feel like dying...
The guy are all devil! why keep pushing? im sicked yet u push and push. I shoudnt wear mask, then u will get affected by my virus...see you still want to approach me or not? ( i dont want to say that im moral by wearing the mask)

Im actually very angry with myself, if im stronger, then i will not face this situation. i feel myself like a small girl in the crowd. others kept squeezing me, and i just let it be...gosh why im so useless? why im lack of confidence? if im stronger, if im more like a guy, if im not like a weak girl.....im so weak, how could i protect others ? i cant even protect myself..i hate this ! i hate this type of me!! why so useless?

i hate one guy sat in front of me. he is quite fat, he kept using a weird view looking at me. See what? what is good to look at? am i look like a girl that need help? i dont need your help. although i look like going to faint, although i look like crying ,although i carrying heavy bags, but i dont need your help! you seems like need it more! please dont look at me like you looking at a young girl. i dont need sympatic!

i just want to be stronger, i want to be stronger!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if im stronger, i wont have these problems...it's only if im stronger

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