Thursday, April 29, 2010

喜歡一個人,是一種感覺。


不喜歡一個人,卻是事實。

事實容易解釋,感覺卻難以言喻。

記住該記住的,忘記該忘記的。

改變能改變的,接受不能改變的。

失敗者找理由,成功者找方法。

no title.... OR hanisha?

This  is all because of Hanisha... XD

Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun:


Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends here on facebook to answer this. Then see what happens ;)


If you're a guy, post this as - My Kind Of Girl.

If you're a girl, post this as - My Kind Of Guy.


Do you need him / her to be good looking?

not really...hmm...cause im not good looking also...well dressed then okay...
Smart?

SURE... but smart not necessary mean must excel like god in exam. Smart, mean smart in making decision, think fast and clever....


Preferred age?

Same age? must be older than me! cant imagine younger than me....


Preferred height?

HAHAHA.....Taller if possible..... pls^^..but i think this is not my pblm cause guy care this pblm more....

How about sense of humor?

Sure...must be more funny than me >< then only i can be more happy mah.... Although the jokes sometimes is freezing....but better than nth...^^

How about piercings?

he can try...but just one...cause he may want to try different thing.

Accept you for who you are?

SWT....of course lar!!! if not?
Pink hair?

no pls....i dunwan pinky boy T.T
Mushy or not?

mushy mean? hahah....

Thin or fat?

Fit....^^
Black, Brown or White? (skin colour).

hahah....darker than me pls ....hahahah
Long hair or short hair?

normal....as long as tidy neat and good looking wf his hair
Plastic or metal?

hmm plastic and metal...i wan alloy...!!!
Smells good?

wow....hahah...
Smoker?

NO!! CAN NEVER BE A SMOKER!!! HATE SMOKER~
Drinker?

no....But can have some when got special function....or drink with reason...cant get addicted!!!
Girl/Boy-next-door type?

ya....haha...cause feel closer...^^
Muscular?

oops...how muscular? I cant accept those body full with muscle..Feel damn scary...like will punch me..XD a bit bit then enough...small mouse enough ad....
Plays piano?

hmm...i dont know much about piano also...So doesnt matter...If he knows, then sure is added pt..
Plays bass and / or acoustic guitar

hmm...if compared with piano...hmm hard choice..cause bass and guitar rock my world...piano calm my world...
Plays violin?

enough of music instrument la....i prefer my son play ...can ?
Sings very good?

doesnt matter....if sing good, then great, if not, can amuse me also.... XD (jk jk)
Vain?

I think is need sometimes...so will be confidence with himself...but not too MUCH...pls...cant accept those too over confidence with himself
With glasses?

lol...haha...no..if can.... cause he can help to find my spec if i lost mine....XD
With braces?

hmm...important? I dont have also....My teeth is bit weird also...got rabbit teeth +tiger teeth...so not big case..
Shy type?

Yup...Look cute la~ if im the only one that shy is unfair!!! but pls dont too shy>< dun more shy than me...

Rebel or good boy / girl?

hmm...rebel guy sound attractive...but i prefer good boy...><  slightly rebel?? hehe....

Active or passive?

Active ...heheh... im too passive ad (kononnya). so cant be passive + passive


Tight or bomb?

?!


Singer or dancer?

dancer~ dance with me...i mean learn together.... XD

Stunner?

matter not,


Hip hop?

matter not

Earrings?

less than me....

Mr / Mrs count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?

no...cant stand this kind of guy....not safety at all!!! cause my list still......hahah...(ignore can?)


Dimples?

y....eah... hahah...CUTE >< hahahahha


Bookworm?

ahhhhhh....ahhhh....dun lar~~ world with book only not boring ke?! some story book can lar...but not too much ><


Mr / Mrs Love Letter?

hmm???
Playful?

can be....cause wont be too bored...playful guy should me more mature?

Flirt?

ahaha... can..but not too much...cause is quite sufferin..I heard.. Why just dont want to be clear clear?! I guess i will give up the relationship if flirt too long time...cause i will easily give up thing that is uncertain

Poem writer?

if wrote for me....hahha

Serious?

yeah....when it should be serious!
Painter?

not necessary....drawer ....make me think of someone...haha mf ==

Religious?

yup...must believe in god....but not too superstitious =P

Someone who like to tease people?

yeah...but not me...can ? tease someone i dun really like....hahha...XD im damn evil wei...No la...dun tease too much...cause will affect his image also
Computer games freak or Internet freak?

can...hahha...cause i like these two...but dont be too over la...have to organise his time well...

Speaks 20 languages?

lol...............= = i dont need a translator...i got translate dictionary...just few enough la...our main languages..MANDARIN!!! and...ENGLISH...and hokien, hakka...pls~need sum1 to teach me hokien ><  cantonese is quite common ad....
Loyal or Faithful

can i have both?

Good kisser?

ahahaha. no.........nono

Loves children?

yes!!! must be !!

Curiousity kill me......

I wish Im more stupid, But I am not!! Sometimes, i wish i don't know something but i just can sense it! Why? I just wish I dont know anything! Seriously, I wish I don't know anything!! Then i can be very happy and still lead my life like now....Freely, peacefully and happily!

But i guess im just too smart and observant!=.= And anythings about me i can just sense it, when people did it behind me...should I sad? or happy? to know that?

Now i agree to that statement ...Human are animals that very curious. Sometimes, People lie for your sake , want to protect you. But we just cant understand.We are just too curious to know the truth. Finally, the truth reveal and we are the one that injured...Everything, we find it for ourselves, the sorrow and sadness.....

人总是带有很重的好奇心。给人带来幸福的谎言总比会带来不幸的事实好。可是为什么人就是要知道事情的真相?当真相揭开时,不幸,就此开始……

I am too eager to know the truth. I expose myself to danger and now, I sense something wrong already. I think i know what is going on there. And now, I pretend i don't know...because im forced to pretend i don't know...If not, people will get hurted as well as me... I don't want to hurt anyone. At least at this moment, I still think that you are important to me...

People who saw this, no worry. I am OKAY!! just need time...a bit.. Luckily, one more day.....

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

因为存在 所以感动



时不时耍聪明-谎话-骗我
时不时抛陈年-冷菜-笑话
但是      现在的你
静静地 是因为累吧?


我   极易被感动
你   静静的
呆在我的身边
我   就已经   很足够了

谢谢你
在那么困的时候
还愿意陪我
虽然我
并不清楚你是否
只为了陪我

真的 酱静静地  你
真的  酱安心了  我
真的 因为存在
真的 所以感动

clarifying.....

They are few things i want to CLARIFY here ....
1. I am Chew Zhi Chee.我是周芷琦。I have no idea why people having problems to remember my name. Is it so difficult for you to call my name? Or to remember my name? Since primary school, Mr chen asked me to put a christian name. Secondary school, my form 1 history teacher kept calling the wrong name.(Sorry, I really forget the teacher's name). Even my english teacher, Pn. Lim, called me Chew gigi..or chew jiji..Don't ask me why is it so weird, as i also don't know ><.My form2 chinese and Form4 &5 History teacher , Mr. Tang, called me 周枝起zhou1 zhi2 qi3.You think this is all? No!! Later, in PLKN, my trainer also faced the same problems. He was damn mean. In front all of the trainee, he call me as...:' chew...Chew...apa ini?' -.- Really have the motive to bang him! I thought all these things will be over but seems like still too far to over. In matrikulasi, My hamsap lecturer again asked me to put a nickname. He even call me avril...simply because i wear tie loosely...He say very cool! swt....

Well well....now, i study in UCSI. university level shouldnt be a problem, i guess. But... but.. is still UCSI!! MR DEREK is the one love to create a LOT of nickname for me...for no reason. I already taught him the way to pronouce my name yet he cant learn it. Haiz, what else should i said? Janet lar, Suzy lar, Shushi lar, Cheezel lar, Cheezy lar~ Stop laughing! your laugh annoyed me...lmao .. I know it is super duper awkward! i dont know how he cant think of these weird name! he think im food hor! sushi...cheezel pula... I wont give you eat cheezel even u call me cheezel!! Mr CHOONG also. But he still ok.. He just call me Chew Ze Chee...well, at least i know he is calling me. Just a bit weird, -.- haha... In my a level course, i just have 3 lecturers , But 2 lecturers already call me like this...I thought Ms Preeti will be okay...Well...is o-kay before this because she never call my name. Today, she said :" hmm...you call chee zhi is it? " in front of group D and C...walao eeeeeee~~~ oh my gosh~~ Is it that difficult to call my name correctly? chee zhi=cheezy ..Based on what sy said. I guess, after suzy, this will be another name surien gang will call  me =.='''

2.I know i Look damn familiar, but please dont mix me with other people lar,,,can? Today when i went to night market, Diana and Ying hui looked so excited when they saw me. They asked is it i just back from KTm station? (I actually want to go to Midvalley today...supposely..but i didnt ) I and Cui yi felt so weird. As I spent my whole day in my unit! Then they argued they really saw a girl looked like me, both of them saw it. They saw that girl really look like me walk like me and same size like me....but ...but .. I REALLY-DINT-GO-OUT-TODAY~!! T^T Then they started to scared....wakakak.. This is not the fisrt time people said like this. Kai Kai (Gwan kai) also always said like these!!! HE said he saw a girl look like me in his school. Another girl when he saw on the road also looked like me...puff~ everytime also say like this...I got that familiar meh? i mean my face..Asked him to snapped photo and show it to me also dont want..-.- haiz.... I think most probably he miss me too much in Seremban already...hahha XD.. Well, Im coming back next week, You can call me to go out YC de...but you just have 2 hours...XD

3. Every girl eat ice(吃冰) also  very happy de meh? Why Cui yi said i look so happy when i eat ice?! I'm not happy, im just a bit excited~ haha...cause the ice very cute arh~ Maybe is true that after eating ice i feel much better~ These few days really very frustrated... Luckily can go back home 2 days later  >< Eating ice, i know i shouldnt eat ice now but ...i already stop myself from eating sour and spicy things! We need to 'gu li' ourselves sometimes through food~! heheh ^^ (omg, i too frequently gu li myself thro food, tat's y i getting wider n wider)
so, I do love to eat ice...MAybe really make me happy~ haha... I very easily happy de ^^ little stuff can make me happy whole day~ wuhooo^^

Look delicious right? hmm ^^ but...RM 3.90 =.= Damn expensive....
the cuty cuty white and yellow ball very nice and cute >< hahah~ the taste not bad btw...

Blurr~

Sometime, not that i don't want to tell you.It's just i myself also don't know the answer. So, IM very sorry.It takes time for me to figure it out...let me have some time...haha~ seriously, no jokes!!! I dont know you have these pblms..i thought u have that pblms and not these...im not observant??! hahah...

 I also duno what i want to say.. But i really dont know how to answer that question, im not smart enough ><. Told u before im noob!! Maybe what I want,is understand.....

sometimes....dissapointment also come into our lives...just like now... IT's time to stop!! yum  said is true? maybe.... ya...is true...should just xxxxx the ppl that appreciate.....

Monday, April 26, 2010

绕道而行·一个人的傍晚

今天,体验了不同的生活。
我平时都是匆匆忙忙的在这里过活,很少有时间静静的看周边的情况。我是很喜欢静静生活的人,今天的体验,给了我莫大的乐趣。

我,很成功地做了两小时半的猪。哈哈^^真的很久没有睡那么久的午觉。很爽,但是,睡越久,醒来时就越有睡气。我一开始以为欣洁会出去吃,担心她会一个人,所以我不煮。岂知,刚睡醒时才得知,她也随萃宜去朋友家吃。算了,也没有太大的感觉。模模糊糊的我,在客厅呆坐了一会儿,就去学校更新书了。

因为是一个人,不想途径都是一样的,所以绕了远路。走了以前都不会走的路。看见了以前不曾看见的光景,才发觉原来傍晚时分,很多男生会在那儿打球。原来,也有人在小公园谈天,原来,我朋友在打羽毛球。原来,大家的傍晚生活是很多彩的

一路上,我走得很缓慢,想乘机看看周围的环境。天色很美,我很喜欢。风很大,把我的心思都吹散了。但是我喜欢,这样,就不需要对任何人抱有心思了~风很凉,心也凉凉的,为什么呢?我不知道…这种静静的,纯粹感受风的抚摸的感觉,很棒!就像妈妈的抚摸一样,不需要理由,就很让人的心静下来。

傍晚的图书馆很吸引人,冷冷的,静静的,很适合读书吧,我明天想要来这读书,我能办到吗?我不知道……真的得用功了~ 〉〈 真的,静静的图书馆,很适合我,很喜欢静,虽然那样显得我很寂寞,显得我很弱小、显得我很孤独。但是,人就是那样奇怪的,越是心情黑暗,就是越想融入黑暗中,那样,有让自己跌进谷底,再爬起的感觉。孤独也一样,我很感激他们今天让我孤身一人,那样,我才感受到不同的蕉赖。

从图书馆出来,又去了101。看了很多东西,但是只买了臭丸,(害怕蟑螂的再度来袭)想买腐乳,但是应该是考试过后吧~ 去吃晚餐,恰巧遇见朋友。是不用一个人吃,但是其实我还蛮想一个人吃的。因为能思考很多东西。我很喜欢胡想东西。哈哈哈~没法子,这就是我的怪异之处~

应该是要回家的,但是又不想回家~惟有去巨人超市。哈哈哈哈~买了超多东西的,贵贵的~现在有点后悔的,哈哈哈~不行,作了选择就不能后悔。因为紫菜有便宜阿,就买了两包回家=。= 很没有抵抗诱惑的能力啊~因为葡萄干很便宜,(还是觉得sunmaid的比ligo便宜),所以又买了~haiz,我对食物真的很无撤~基本上,都只是买吃的,而且还是垃圾食物!!给我爸知道,一定骂死我~因为真的很不健康!!

今天,真的很喜欢今天的傍晚,真的就属于我一个人的傍晚。虽然寂寞,但是我珍惜属于我的寂寞。我享受我的寂寞。因为睡气重,迷迷糊糊的就绕了远路,但是我庆幸我绕了远路。远路让我更了解这里,让我对这里有更深一层的体悟。让我爱上了,没有人的学校。(真的就是没有人的~别跟我说危险,我不会有危险的~哈哈哈哈~这是铁律!!) 让我静静地走在风中~很痛快!让我看一看,平时都不会有机会看见的景色。

人生有时也是这样的吧~ 有时绕一绕远路,也未必是件坏事。有时走得慢些,也不一定很悲哀。认为自己悲哀的人才悲哀吧~绕一绕远路,对自己的生活很有更深一层的体验,也会更坚定自己的想法,与目标。走得慢些,才了看见自己平时忽略掉的事、物与人……才会发觉,身边其实有很多比那些更重要的人、事和物。

重考,没错,对学生来说,何尝不是件很备受打击的事?正因为有打击,才能让我们更成长。重考,是让你饶了一些路,走得慢一些,但是你又知道他带来的只有坏处?或许,你从中再次学习到的东西,会让你受益不浅;或许,你的思想会变得更成熟;或许,你曾经模糊的视线,会再次清晰;或许,你的意志有因此而坚定,不再因别人而动摇。

绕了远路,可能才能发现别人发现不到的宝。绕了远路,是累了一些,但是歇一歇,就没事了。朋友,就是在这个时候用的^^只要自己没有放弃自己,生活就不会放弃你!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

人·家人·朋友

人,都是犯贱的动物。没事时,是不会想到别人的。只有在自己受伤时,才会想起身边的人。觉得很可悲,人,怎能这么贱?受伤了,才想搁浅。才想借朋友的肩膀躺。要是没有受伤呢?就不把朋友当一回事,是吗?

朋友,何为朋友?嬉皮笑脸的就算吗?今天,有人说,:“zhichee, you got many friends hor..." 是因为我畅销的关系吗?还是,因为我常笑?觉得,若是,他们肯向我诉苦,已经很好了,因为他们会想起我,也证明自己是满重要的,对别人。觉得,他们信得过我。觉得,他们在低潮时,只有我能倾诉。觉得,自己被人依赖着。觉得,至少自己还有利用价值……

真的,应该开心了……谢谢,你们。我今天的心情其实不太好,有点生气、郁闷、厌恶……但是,对朋友,我不敢发泄。因为你们打电话给我,向我诉苦,我才觉得自己被需要着。我没有把自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上,我只是,真心的想帮别人。只是在帮人的过程中,我的心情别的开朗多了。所以,感谢你们多我的信赖。

但是,还是会不喜欢人!没有特定的人……只是,家人不会讨厌。我很爱家人。家人的出发点都是为我好的,我珍惜他们。爱他们。我一定要好好打拼,好好对待你们。我真的很爱你们。我知道你们想要的不是这些,你们只是希望我开心,健康。但是,我不确定自己能不能永远快乐,健康,所以,我只能打拚。请允许我那么做。

bie zai wan nong wo le!!!

yuanlaiwobuzhibuliaojieziji,wolianniyebuliaojie.wobuzhidaonifashengleshenmeshi,danshiweishenmemeiciniyoushiwodouhuidanxin.kewu,henkewu.womingmingjiujuedingbuyaozailinide.weishenmehaishikongzhibudaoziji?zhejiushisuoweidepengyouba.wozhendebanidangchenghenhaodepengyou,caihuinameguanxinni.


niruohaixuyaowodeguanxin,qingniwubigaosuwo.wobudongni.wohuihaipani.wobuzhidaoweishenme,youshijiushixiangyuanlini.wohuihaipa...zhende!
niyidingbuhuixiangxinba, ni yidingyiweiwoguyixianglikaini,bikainiba.yigenbenjiubudongwo.nishoubierenbudongni,nashiyinweinimeirangwodongni. woxiangliaojieni,danshiyoushiyouhuibeinishanghai.wobiandebuganjiejinnile. wozhendejuede,nizaiwanzhewo.henhaowanshima?zhendehenhaowanba,woxiang....nongdewozhimaolenghan,henkaixinshima?guyishouxierangwoshangxindehuahentongkuaiba.guyishuofengcidehua,nihenkuaileba.niweishenmenamexiaoqi?weishenme?jiushibuneng...rangwo....haiz...taiduoshixuyaowofanle.niyongyuandoubuzhidaowoduinideguanxin.goule...zhende,duiyubudongdezhenxideren,haiyoushenmehuayaoshuo?zhiqi,lizhixie!! qiangxie!!
biezaiwannongwolekeyima?zhendehenbukaixin,beirenwannongzhe...nizhendebuzhidaowoma? haishinizhidaohouhaiyaojixuwanwo? woxiang,zhanqie,wohuirenba,bijingshipengyou...dui,shipengyou a~

随手一笔

要使人能少一点烦恼就好了,但是这是不可能发生的事吧……烦恼事随懂事以来就会缠着我们的。我一直很想做到父母亲所要求的,但是往往就会因为懒惰而达不到。

有时候,面对问题,我会显得太过勉强自己了吧。我不是在说成绩的问题,我知道,成绩对我而言,是很重要,但是我今天所想的跟成绩无关。我面对人际问题,还是生活的问题,又或是压力问题,我都很少很少会对人透露。最近,我承认我是时常向一位友人投诉,但是讲得往往都是很表面地。

夜深了,我想的东西越来越多,越来越复杂。我或许不应该向任何人投诉。我最近好像有点依赖他,这样好像不行。距离是必要的吧~很想跟他保持不会伤害到彼此的距离,但是那会是多远的距离呢?我不懂。

又或是,与其故意避开他,倒不如让一切随缘。这是我想的吧。我不是讨厌他,而是害怕人。对人越久就越没有信心。会害怕人,你听到我说我会怕人,一定会笑我吧。毕竟我平时是显得那么的大胆。

很讨厌大学得生活,是因为不喜欢这里的人吧?很假,全都很假。回家后就不想回去了。但是,我想是会逃避的孩子吗?认识我的人就明白我是,但是不认识我的人就不懂。章荣,应该懂我是爱逃避的胆小鬼。我是,那又如何?

我敢做出来吗?有段时间,我曾经很讨厌很讨厌这里。当我看见蕉赖的路,我就不由自主地害怕,眼泪也由不得我的流下。因为是坐在后车座,他们都没有注意到吧?我也不想让他们注意到。静静的,不出一声。不想让他们担心我吧。

我恨习惯性地把所有事啃在肚里,不想说,不是因为我不会表达,而是我不想让关心我的人担心吧?很害怕自己的形象会破坏。不想爸妈心目中很乖巧的女儿,是那么的脆弱。姐姐的事,已经让他们很难受了吧,我不想加重爸妈的心理负担。我想让他们继续相信,芷琦,是一位,很坚强,很独立,很大胆的女孩。虽然,她不用功。

从姐出事那天起,我就对自己说,发生什么事,都不能对爸妈说,不能让他们担心,受罪。我记得很清楚,当时的我,对我哥那么说过。我有什么伤心的事,压力,人际,任何不愉快的事,我都不会带回家,我会装得很快乐。也会尽量便得很快乐。因为,在他们心中,我就是一位乐观的孩子。仅在别人心中。

我会笑得特别大声、特别多、特别开心,因为要做好自己的本分。有时会觉得,自己是不是把自己绑得太紧绷了?是不是让自己太辛苦了?最近的我,总爱胡思乱想。因为最近的我,发生了小小间的人际关系问题。

女生之间的关系,很恐怖,让我真的有点厌恶。我只是想开心一点而已,为什么就是不能?我好不容易,才敞开心房一些些,为什么你们要比我关回去?是我笨吧?营地的人、大学预备班的人都比这里的人来得好,但是我反而对他们有些保守。笑笑笑,他们见到的我总是在笑,所以他们才会怀念我的笑。

我总是认为,笑能掩饰自己的任何情绪。保持距离是必要的,这样自己才不会馅得太深而保护不了自己。假装自己很快乐,大家都不会有进一步的发展,因为不会特别关心你。为什么在这里不没有做到这点?我应该,更应该做到这点阿!

今后,我会地吧?保持距离,假装开心。不要再那么直接了,不要再那么关心人了!保持冷淡的心,保持距离,自己才会更成功吧?才不会伤的重。其实,受伤也没什么不好的,孔孟二贤人也必定是受过伤的阿。正因为受过,我才会倍加珍惜家人。

有时,会觉得爸妈他们察觉到我的不对劲。就好像今天,本来是不想回家的,但是突然就心情不好,跟爸说我想回家。他们应该懂得吧~别人问我为什么回家,我不敢说是心情不好,因为要是酱说,他们必定会继续问为什么。我不想回答,干脆说是因为某位朋友的怂恿。有时情绪不怎么好,态度不好时,我就会说是因为不够睡,很累。很好的借口吧~

对自己的人生,又来越质疑。我说不想然他们察觉我的异常,但是父母偏偏就好像是知道的。今天吃东西时就聊到成绩,爸爸说我成绩差,应该……………………而妈妈说,不用尽拉,只要有A就好了。我没有要你拿第一,不要跟别人比。天!!!! 我真的是第一次听我妈这样说,我有点吓倒。我还有点鼻子酸酸的。

从小到大,妈妈都是那我跟别人比较的,逼得我最近的就是妈妈了。今天拿那位女生,明天那令位男生跟我比。真的有时会有点疯的感觉。我不可能科科都最好。为什么要比?明明说UPSR不重要,但是上中学的时候就拼命说我学弟妹们的成绩,是要打击我吧?我恨叛逆的说,我不后悔拿那样的成绩,我庆幸!妈就会说我是吃不到葡萄的狐狸。


所以,当他那么大方的说他不介意分数是,我真的有点想哭,还觉得自己做得不够好。真的好爱妈妈哦~他,一定知道我的心情不好吧?现在的我,又想哭了!我真的是没用、长不大的小孩!!她越是那么说我就越愧疚。真的好想考好好,然后让他们骄傲。

Saturday, April 24, 2010

自作孽,不可活~

Haiz, am i too careless? Yesterday, i want to pass some books to my friend. I accidentally put an exercise book on it. I do take it out but i just forgot where had i put it. Omg~ want to kill myself as that is not a normal exercise book!

I actually thought i had put it together with xin ciak books. I want to take it out before going back to seremban but i totally forgot! When i reached my hometown, then only i remembered. Immediately, i phoned My housemate, malays housemate to find that book foe me. This is because they wont know how to read.

Actually, The book is quite important...NOOOO...is VERY IMPORTANT. Inside the book, I had wrote something.我写了很多不该写下来的东西。记录了生活某部分的事情,我的心情,及不愿面对的事。我用华语写,所以,绝对绝对不能让别人看见!!虽然里面没有写任何人的坏话,但是有我极为私人的心情与秘密。绝对不能,让人看见!不然会被人笑死~

i scare xin ciak will accidentally read it..But when they told me is not on the dining table, i become more scare. my housemate just laugh and say, got secret ar? ..= = I scare i accidentally pass it to my friend. that will become worse ==

Luckily, the friend say din take it. my friend say i Had take it out and put it to my room. What i need to do now is just wait and go back to kl and find it. If not in my room, then, its time for me to panic....and DIE... this is what we call 自作孽,不可活!

who ask me to write it down?!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

讨厌自己的懦弱·无知

一、粗口

粗口,我所谓的粗口,就是人们会在悲愤时用到的词语。男生多数都是粗口的喜爱者,而女生,也有不少的使用者。我是较为保守的女生吧,我不喜欢用,甚至不喜欢听。因为,粗口很粗阿~ 感觉对方不尊敬你,才会对你使用粗口。

我爸他受的教育不多,加上他又是商人,生活圈子难免会有些复杂。我常常会听见他用很特殊的语言问候他的朋友。这点,我很在意。很难否认小时的我有生意头脑,我跟父亲达成协议,要是我听见他用粗口,他就必须付我十令吉。

虽然爸他没受什么教育,但是他很在乎我的教养问题。豪爽的他,不用考虑,就答应我了!他一定是不希望我学会粗口吧~ (话虽如此,他还是会说。只是,频率减少了很多。孝顺的我,也不忍拿爸爸的血汗钱。^^

很难忘记,在我六年级时,我狠狠地,被妈妈骂了一顿!原因很简单,因为我说了一个很粗很粗很粗的粗口。妈妈她很生气。但是,其实我也很无辜、无奈。因为我根本不知道那是粗口,我也不知道那是什么意思,纯粹就那样脱口而出。故事是酱紫的……

你们记得七年前,有首歌很出名吗?那首歌是这么唱的:“we will we will ROCK you……”很悲哀的,我很无知,我忘记了ROCK这个字。我就很天真地从A到Z配音唱下去。就这样,当我唱到“we will we will F you……”,我妈妈劈头就骂,就差狗血没有淋在我头上。真的很无辜哦~我真的只是配音,我真的不懂那是粗口。或许是从那天起,我很避忌粗口~怕被骂!!

这是一个因果效应,因为我避忌,我接触不到粗口,我也就不懂粗口。懂啦,我没有那么笨!简单的我都懂,但是稍微有深度的,我就不懂了!简单的虽然我懂,但是我不懂粗口的意思,就只懂那是粗口,不能说。我觉得我已经很厉害了,因为我比上虽不足,但比下,绝对绰绰有余。可能是我太天真了~那是不够的!!

去年,我第一次,问妈妈粗口的意思。我忘记是什么粗口了,但是就是有问她!妈妈她这次没有骂我,反之,他耐心地向我解释粗口的意思。这让我有些受宠若惊。或许,我已经18岁了拉~ 也正因为我已经18 ,我才敢鼓起勇气问她。但是他解释了,我还是忘记了~哈哈哈~我对粗口这方面没什么天分 ><  中学,曾经请教过某位很熟悉男生(因为熟才敢问),他竟然!竟然不肯教我,说什么时间到了你就会懂~说什么不想教坏我的废话 =。= (我懂你是为了我好,谢谢你啦!)

现在,发现自己真的真的,很白痴哦~真的别人在骂你都不知道。我现在认为,知道一些粗口是必要的,毕竟是基本常识啊~但是就不要说出口。心里懂就好~
我竟然MPK是粗口都不懂~好笨。当初还联想了很多东西,想来想去都想不到。就算懂事粗口,也不懂是什么粗口。现在,我也只懂,他是粗口,还懂她的全名。意思,一点也不懂。我觉得这样不好,自己以后生活的圈子,一定不会那么简单,懂一些,多多少少,也能保护自己。至少,知道别人在骂自己,然后,自己才能反击。(我不是用粗口反击啦~ 安拉!)
真的觉得自己,这样的自己很无知。海子~心里,现在存着矛盾。不想学粗口,但是好像又得学粗口。我的学不是学说粗口拉~ 只是懂就好了!矛盾中~

二、鬼故事

自小,我就很怕鬼。我记得六岁时看过得鬼戏,很恐怖的记忆力吧~我也不想这样的,但是就是太害怕了,导致现在难以忘怀当时的情景。我是很犯贱的动物,明明自己害怕得很,却装着很大胆的看,纯粹不想被人看扁吧~

小时,哥他超爱欺负我。仿佛欺负我是他人生一大目标之一。他深知我很害怕鬼戏,他还逼我看鬼戏。妈妈与爸爸常常不在家,我就被逼陪他看鬼戏!他还无理的不让我用被~ 我本想用被遮着我的脸、眼,那么就不会害怕了。我还可以用枕头塞着我的耳朵。但是,每当紧张的时候,他就一把夺走我的被~狠狠很讨人厌!音乐,他也开到很大声。他本着不把我吓死,他就不罢休的念头整我。很可怜,我懂。

他心情不好,就开午夜凶铃,现在想起,背又是一阵冷风。他心情好,就开香港鬼戏。香港鬼戏,你不要以为不恐怖!你没看过就觉得不恐怖,看过,就吓死你!是啦~有时很好笑,但是,有时真的很吓死人!我仍忘不了,他们必须穿内裤在头上的镜头。更忘不了,那女鬼猛吐虫的画面!还有,红衣女鬼照镜子的画面。现在回想,真是后悔。干嘛要回想?现在一个人超怕的!!!

还有,僵尸戏。小学三年级,我参加邻居的生日派对。真的有够癫!他们四年级生,干嘛呀半夜看鬼戏?僵尸戏?我才小三啊~ 结果,我真的很害怕~邻居的朋友告诉他,他们并不是被戏吓着,而是被我的喊叫声~哈哈哈,这点……我真的很抱歉~哈哈哈,忍不住嘛~害怕就要叫阿。吓你并不是我的本意!然而,回家后,接受报应的人是自己。害怕的我,不敢独自睡觉。我尝试着,握着姐姐的手,还是久久不能入眠。(我的坏习惯,当我害怕时,就想握着人的手睡觉。比较有安全感。现在,当我害怕时,欣洁就成了受害者。哈哈哈~活该,谁叫他那么爱吓我?)我缓缓地爬进爸妈的床,但是还是被他们发觉了,被他们赶出来。我还是不敢回房,所以就在地板上睡了。但是睡之前,还是不断在幻想。幻想,是我其中一个终生事业吧~哈哈哈……

最近,因该不是最近了,我随着一群人去看戏。起初,我们是要看一出普通的戏。但是因为它普通到没有票了,我们被逼选另一出戏。我朦胧朦胧地坐在一边,突然有位叫paul的男生,问我能不能看CASE 39。好奇的我当然会问是什么戏啊~他就敷衍我说,comedy comedy……
看到我还是一副迷糊样,他就用一副很串的脸,很尸里一个吊的声音说:“你懂什么是comedy没有?”天,我当然懂,只是想知道更详细而已。(很无辜耶!)

傻傻的我,就这样,进了戏院。可恶的是,我是坐最旁边。我旁边空空的!没有人,但是我想啊~喜剧,没有人在我旁边也好,要不然,他很可能会被我的笑声笑死~XD但是往往事与愿违。我天真地以为,是喜剧,但是越看就越奇怪。怎么不好笑?而且,是不是狗、闹钟会吓人。我就纳闷阿,现在的喜剧,是不是都是会有些无厘头的吓人片段。真的有些看不下去,我便出去透透气。(因为还蛮想吐)

原本,以为情况会好些,怎知,越来就越恐怖!我简直是吓倒,把脚拿起来,然后把头埋在冷衣下。很恐怖好不好?!我不敢脸相荧幕,更不敢脸相空空无人的那一面~ 只好面向翅膀。好恋的他,担心我会抱他!(绝对不会有这种破天荒的事发生!我是谁?有胆小到那么样吗?更何况,它是男的==,还是有家室的。)不过,他应该是发觉到我好像真的很怕,问我需不需要出去一下下。好胜的我,怎么会出去?打死我也不会。最多在里面被吓死。而且,我已经看了一部分~现在出去的话,一个人会被吓倒的。

就这样,我撑完了整场。(不好意思,大部分我只听音乐,因为眼睛多是闭着的。)除了戏院,我装的很勇敢,“哈哈,不会太恐怖拉。还好,还好~”梳洗时,我还是在回想lily的样子。有些恐怖,但是我还能睡。

可是,可是,可是。。。T^T, 前天我念书时,我又回想到了。我很努力的让自己专心念书,尽全力的排除障碍。但是,就是有一个很怪异的声音出现在我耳边。我想啊想啊,就联想到lily了。>< 想啊想啊,就毛骨悚然,开始流冷汗。当时,我一个人在房间,欣洁很刚巧的,在客厅。萃逸,又很凑巧地,去了朋友家。只有我一个人在房间!!很害怕,但是又不敢下床,担心下床的话,lily就会冒出来!很可笑~

我惟有祈祷欣洁快些讲完电话,快快滚进房!我惟有紧握胸前的符。(别人都爱问我为什么有带符,我其实不是爱带,而是必须时时刻刻都带!因为就是会无端端有这种无厘头的恐惧症。)我很后悔看鬼戏,因为,桂系在我脑海久久不消。

我很讨厌自己那么懦弱,会被别人瞧不起阿~会被别人当作是胆小鬼,很无能、很低智。我好想变得强大一些、至少变得勇敢一些,那么别人就不会取笑我的无胆了。难得,我虚心请教p男生,如何能变得勇敢大胆,如何能不怕看鬼戏。他竟然说,跟他看多点鬼戏就不怕了!天,岂不是要我死?我懂,他的方法或许是对的,但是对我来说,太太太积极、极端了!我会先吓死,我没有他想象的大胆拉~

总之,我就是要变得勇敢就对啦~不想那么神经质……我又没有做错事,为什么要疑神疑鬼?我也要懂一些基本的粗口,然后才能保护自己︿︿
(好长哦~谢谢你,若你有读完︿︿)

十二星座女撒娇谁最厉害

白羊座: 大女人主义的她,会撒娇吗?偶尔会吧,也许在发烧的时候。


金牛座: 做事慢吞吞的她,撒娇以来可能有点像梦话。梦话归梦话,但不是没有啦。尤其看到什么美食,想以身试法的时候。

双子座: 这个星座的MM做事自己,不喜欢靠别人的帮助。当她对你撒娇时,可能是她的双重性格转换到女人温柔的一面。
 
巨蟹座: 身为家庭的贤妻良母,不会撒娇怎会抓住男人的心。她们可是熟读《撒娇秘籍》的哦。


狮子座: 星座中的女强人,怎么可能总低头像人撒娇呢。如果她对你撒娇,你因该感到荣幸,因为你是她最爱的人。

处女座: 这个星座的MM,想听到她们撒娇可能会困难点。因为她们大部分时间都花在挑剔上,想听到唠叨容易,撒娇难。

天秤座: 这个星座MM靓丽活泼,开朗大方,代人热情,天真善良。你对她好,她不会以德抱怨。所以想听到她们撒娇并不难。

天蝎座: 这个星座的MM把阴柔发挥到极致,只要你对她们真心实意,不离不弃,决不背叛。她们撒起娇来能把你们甜死,这也是她们的杀手锏。

射手座: 射手MM作风硬朗,像个假小子。而且令很多男生郁闷的是,她根本不把男生当回事。认为女生并不比男生差。她们撒娇肯定是有求于你。

魔羯座: 这个星座MM是典型冷美人,她们不太懂得,也不喜欢撒娇。她们深恶痛决地讨厌依靠男人,她们认为如果撒娇有用还工作干嘛。

水瓶座: 古灵精怪的她,经常用撒娇、耍赖等恶劣手段戏弄男生,因为她们觉得自己的智商够高。也许她们经常撒娇但不一定都是认真的。也是有时只是戏弄你而已。

双鱼座: 这个星座MM普遍有幻想症,经常有梦幻的想法。比如说把自己想象成童话中的公主,既然是公主,那么撒娇的事是太正常不过的事了 。

PS:不就是嘛~要狮子撒娇,难得很!我应该不会撒娇~哈哈,要是我撒娇,会吓死人~><
但是要是我真的撒娇了,请告诉我,我想知道自己撒娇的贱表情,然后,尽量不让它发生、重演!

最会伪装坚强的星座

柔能克刚,装可怜可也是对付恋人妙招之一,但每个人的个性不同,在爱情面前的表现也就不同,因此也就有不太爱装可怜的星座宝贝。

第一名:白羊座女生

  好强好胜的她哪有闲情装可怜,什么事情都直截了当。你顺着她的意,高兴时奖励你一个Love kiss;如敢不从,那么就跟你闹翻天,让你永无宁日。

第二名:金牛座女生

  她的固执己见是出了名的,精明强干也不差。遇到争辩,她永远是对的;看你不爽,她还会拿着你辛苦挣来的钱去贪欢享乐,那时要装可怜的人是你。


第三名:狮子座女生




  在你面前服软,那也太丢面子了,她怎么会做这么不开窍的事?对你有所要求,那是看得起你,你还别装蒜。狮子没发威,并不代表她是戴着假发的hello kitty。

第四名:处女座女生

  当遇到需要装可怜的事时,她一般会做两件事,一是仔细反省自己在这次事件中做得不完善的地方,二是指责你的不当之处,哪还会有心思去装可怜来讨好你?

第五名:天蝎座女生

  她可不是会轻易低头的人,战胜困难、迎接挑战是她的乐趣,哪怕真开口对你有所要求,也不会显示出她的懦弱。如果你不答应她的请求,那么下次你有难时可别找她!

第六名:摩羯座女生

  戴着严肃面具的她,字典里没有“装可怜”这三个字。她总有勇气和能力去处理自己生活中的一切事情,并愿自负其责,让你的大男子气概无处发挥。

第七名:水瓶座女生

        她是个个性极强的人,说话做事全凭自己兴趣,对于她来说,独立自主比享受爱情更为珍贵。因此,能解决的问题她会自己解决,不能解决的便撒手不管。

PS:说得没错,狮子,真的很喜欢伪装,至少我是这样的,很喜欢伪装坚强,人前总是一副铁人的模样,人后往往不堪一击。不喜欢让被人看见自己软弱的模样,干脆装强。只在自己信任的人面前卸下自己的装甲,但是又有哪些是值得信任的?
 
还有,要狮子赞你,不是那么简单的事。当我赞你的时候,请你认同。因为,我是真的在赞你,别否定我。

Sunday, April 18, 2010

study

读书,最近都是闷闷的~好想读,但就是读不进。讨厌这样的自己。好讨厌~ 老是想东想西。。烦啊~

happy ^^

Hmm... just realise
I am still happy with you
I thought some things had already changed
But now i know, Everything still the same ^^
so glad, we can back to normal ^^
hehe~
still the same...luckily...huuuu~~~~~~

Saturday, April 17, 2010

sorry

Just want to say sorry for what i had done.
Maybe it is too obvious till you also can sense it.
Just sorry. I dont mean to ignore you,
I just dont know what to do, im Sorry...
seriously If i did hurt you.

I'm not hate you nor dislike you,
just something had happened and
it make me feel like you very______.

Im so sorry T_____T
you wouldnt know what i feel right now
you will never understand me
as i also quite blur...
I dont know whether i am right or not
for treating you like this
I dont know have i exceed the line
I dont know should i stop it.....

i just  know u treating everyone else the same as u treat me
should i trust you?
or shouldnt I...
I really sick of this...
So eager want to get rid of this
I couldnt concentrate
because of............
the kind ,cute and attractive you...

I seems to run so far from my point..
anyway, Just want to say sorry
I really really do not mean to ignore you
nor dont border you
I know it is obvious that i very 'leng dan' recently
i know it so clear that i keep myself away from you
but you wont know i actually___________
Just let me have some time to figure it out what i think
okay?
Sorry again~~~ > <

Friday, April 9, 2010

逃避

最近都很想抄经,心情很烦。算是烦吗?我也不是很懂,因为我没有讨厌的感觉。因为某些原因,觉得有些烦。因为某些事物,让我会想多。因为某些东西,会让我莫名的,情绪化。很怪很怪,不怎么想自己有这种漂浮不定的感觉。

至少在抄经时,我不怎么会想到,某些此刻不该想的东西……
醒醒吧~ 怪可怜的,自己。想要多了解自己,却在害怕着。害怕了解到真正的自己。干脆忽略。干脆逃避。干脆放弃。我懂这样做很错,但是,但是我就是没种!对不起,ZR。您对我的教导好像真的有些白费。不好意思,我会反省的!!

但是,暂且就让我逃避吧~ 》《

Saturday, April 3, 2010

someone~

有一个人 你一上线就会去看他在不在
不在就一阵失落 在 又不敢打扰


有一个人 他的状态签名只要一换
你立刻胡思乱想 揣测不安


有一个人 你总是忍不住去看他的空间
即使他什么新鲜事都没有


有一个人 你会看他的最近来访和留言
然后又胡思乱想 揣测不安


有一个人 你一直在等他
他却忘记了你
 
自己有点被这帖子吓倒~ 因为最近的自己好像遇到这问题了~天啊,我刚刚post the blog讲的就是这问题,而下一秒,就看见此帖子。说没被吓倒是假的。
难道这就是传说中的喜欢?哈哈哈……好莫名其妙的问题~
我没有一直等他拉。只是偶尔会找他,真的只是偶尔。所以,还是我想太多了。我真的不是喜欢,会吓死我拉~我不能喜欢人拉~会遭天谴的,在求学期间。哈哈哈哈……我又胡说了!
 
我真的不是……吧? 对拉,不是不是。致亲爱的另一位女性朋友,别说我不会分,不懂自己的感情。我应该会的,多多少少,毕竟我已经十九岁了!让你担心,对不起啦~ 是你多虑了。

Friday, April 2, 2010

加油忘记!

Dont know why..hmm Recently just can't help myself~
很不由自主地,去看他的profile
我知道是不应该这么做的,以后,不能再这样了!记住哦~答应了别人的事就要做到!否认了的事就应该尽量不让他实现!我真的不应该再这么做了1这样只会让自己越来越混乱,迷糊了自己的焦点!记住哦~

很讨厌自己那么,反反复复的!加油控制自己!! 爱自己噢~
PS:每每遇到她的事,就变得很语无伦次~> <

request from me~ if u see it

Maybe I really don't know him as much as you know, but i choose to believe him. I know I am noob and always lack of the skill to differentiate truth and fault, this time can you let me choose? I know u do all these stuff for me...for the sack of my future ...............but I want to bet.

He maybe not as good as what we think, but we cant deny his strength. He got a lots of weakness, We both know these. Honestly, he was not a good person but he is changing, aren't him?
I choose to be his friend as i believe this friendship. I believe this friendship is worthy. That is why I want to please you...please not to talk about his weakness in front of me....I knew his weakness, although not all. HOwever that is much more than i need to know. So, PLEASE stop attacking him behind him. In front of him, you are so close to him and so friend with him. Seriously I can't believe you can do these to him. This make me pity him more. This just push me towards him.

What i want to say is just can you let me have a choice? I am 19 years old and i quite trust my analysing and intepreting skill. If really got any problems, I think I am smart enough to protect myself. Whatever happens, I wouldn't run to you and beg you for help. Trust me. I will settle it myslef

SO, please don't talk about his badness in front of me already.... This annoyed me. I like him as friend and i take him as friend yet you didn't respect my choice  and talk about his bad thing right in front of me. please lar~ I admit you have great influence on me, so this time, NO MORE !!!

Lastly, Thank for your co-operation ^^ Still wont hate you lar~ we are friends what~ just wonder why you want to do like this~